apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You ruined the universe
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
