It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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