ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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