uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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