I got chris browned last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You made out with two different species that night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
