im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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