When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
