Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
