Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
