It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
