Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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