I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
