I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
