True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
