so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
