why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
