next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
