we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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