I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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