I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.