He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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