i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
