Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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