Fine. I'll sleep in my office
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
