He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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