Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
