Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
