that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
