He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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