Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
