so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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