He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The power of my boobs compel you
Everclear isn't food dammit
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
