You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
