Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
