You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
