new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize