I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
