the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
