My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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