Your mouth is God's brothel.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
