My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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