How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
