We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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