Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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