Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
