my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
