dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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