i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize