Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
