yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
