batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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