the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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