How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
