like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
