toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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