Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
