Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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