Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
