I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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