i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
