ya dads aren't the best wingmen
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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