i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
