I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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