So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
