Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
