Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
