Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
