mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
