She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
