I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
