where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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