There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
