sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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