this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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