Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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